5 Gifts to NEVER Buy Your Wife for Valentine's Day!
Am I the only guy around here that has a tough time buying Valentine's Day gifts for their wife? Am I the only one who waits until last minute, and then ends up buying the most random and disappointing gift out of sheer desperation?
I'm convinced I posses an undiagnosed mental condition that causes me to procrastinate EVERY "gift-buying" event that's practiced by modern society!
I've been married to my talented, beautiful, and intelligent wife Amy Desrosiers for almost 12 years. Being the dedicated and strong willed woman she is, she's been very "expressive" about the quality of my gifts throughout the years!
I have a lot of experience buying bad gifts for my wife. It started when we were dating at 15 years old. I bought her an XL tee-shirt when she was only a Medium! I figured it was better to buy her a shirt that was too big instead of too small. What I learned instead, was to never buy her clothes again!
In an effort to save my fellow Man from gift giver's remorse, I've put together this list of 5 gifts to NEVER buy your wife for Valentine's Day.
1) Hair Removal Products
According to a 2008 survey by American Laser Centers, women spend over $10,000 in their lifetimes on shaving products. This number is actually over $11,000 in 2018 after adjusting for inflation! A logical thinking Man (such as myself) might think... "She spends a lot of money on hair removal products, so i'm going to buy her a gift that she actually needs.". WRONG! Most women will interpret this gift as "I love you Honey, but you look like a hairy Squatch!".
Instead, leave the purchasing of hair removal products to her! Unless you want to awaken the morning of February 15th with only no eyebrows!
2) Cleaning Tools
This should go without saying. However, I know of someone who actually bought his wife a new vacuum for her birthday! Needless to say, he was the one vacuuming the house for the next year. Valentine's Day would be an even worse time to buy your wife a gift that says "Hey Babe, you look so sexy when you vacuum the stairs, so I bought you the new Triple Suck 2000!".
That vacuum will be your new best friend while you're sleeping in the doghouse!
3) A Slow Cooker
Slow cookers have the ability to meld the most unexpected ingredients into amazingly delicious dishes. If properly utilized, a slow cooker can even be used to build new relationships - like sharing your famous chili recipe at a tailgating party!
On the flip side - buying a slow cooker for your wife on Valentine's Day will earn you a one-way ticket to living on your tailgate!
Feel free to cook a delicious meal for the woman you love on Valentine's Day. Just don't buy her something she could roast your "chestnuts" with next Christmas!
4) Cheap Chocolate
I'm not here to tell you to not buy chocolate for your wife on Valentine's Day. Let's not forget - Chocolate is an aphrodisiac! The key to unlocking the amazing benefits of chocolate however, is to ACTUALLY EAT CHOCOLATE! The higher the percentage of cacao, the more "real" the chocolate is and it's generally more expensive.
Cheap chocolate typically contains very little cocoa. In fact, some cheap chocolate contains no cocoa at all! So what the heck is it made of you ask? It's made of wax, sugar, hydrogenated oils, and whatever else manufacturers can throw in there to make it cheaper!
If you love your wife, don't cheap-out and buy "wax chocolate"! Buy her high quality dark or milk chocolate and maybe you'll be sharing it with her in bed tonight!
Slippers are a great gift for your mother or grandmother. They love you unconditionally, and they're probably the only 2 people on Earth that wouldn't tell you just how bad your gift is!
If I bought my wife a pair of slippers for Valentine's Day, I'd best make sure to buy soft ones, because they'd be blasted half-way up my ass in 1.3 seconds!
Basically, it's best to play it safe with Valentine's Day gifts. A few good options are flowers, high quality chocolate, chocolate dipped fruit/berries, or fine jewelry. The other option is to cook her a homemade meal (if you have cooking skills!) or take her out for dinner at a nice restaurant.
Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of buying her any of the gifts in my list!
If you decide to not heed my warning, start packing your suitcase!
Looking for really useful gifts for yourself or another handy man? Check out these two posts for some great ideas!
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